Academia

Earlier today I felt like a failure, cause I compared myself to my more successful peers and felt short in my academic success. My coworker and friend told me that "that is such a pisces thing to do and more if you obsess about it" (she is a pisces too). For a while I was distraught. To be honest, this has been a tough year in my studies; mainly because I've been slacking off, my job is XXXL stressful (which shouldn't be, but...) and I haven't been on point this last year.

I guess that is one thing that often happens in academia: not everything goes your way or according to plan. Sometimes you get rejected from funding opportunities (3 times); sometimes you don't win the poster competition; sometimes you don't win the presentation competition; sometimes your pre-dissertation research doesn't take off; sometimes you get shitty results from your comprehensive exams; sometimes your boyfriend (who you are living with) gets the grant that you both applied to and you get an honorable mention; sometimes you break up with said boyfriend 3 weeks before your comprehensive exams and 2 weeks before you graduation and your-whole-family-is-coming-to-visit-for-graduation-and-to-meet-the-first-boy-you-are-living-with-and-you-don't-have-the-guts-to-tell-them-you've-broken-up... I always thought that I had everything figured out and that by know I will be on my way to finishing my exams and starting my fieldwork in my 4th year. Reality is way off.

I always sorta knew that great thinkers were drug users, alcoholics and so on, because they were so burdened with the reality and post-reality in which they lived and tried to interpret. Faith and conformity were not tools that they used for said purposes. Following this rationale, I went on a bender by which I lived life to the fullest and enjoyed myself. I embraced more my queer identity and started to go out and be out! I cared less about tomorrow and more about now. I had copious amount of sex, drank and "pained the fuck away"...I'm not ready to give all of this yet, but my resolve to do my degree is still there.

I love doing research; I love doing interviews; I love anthropology...yet, I'm burned out.

Not everything has been bad. I went to Mexico for a conference with my friends, and in the words of a friend who went with me "I have never seen you this happy"...How can you not be happy when swimming in a Cenote? It's just magical. I've also become closer with friends here; I even made new ones! This place is more like a home now than it was before. I have a great support system and people who love me.

I am involved with my community in the university; and while sometimes these commitments take time away from me, I am deeply satisfied working (even if it's in minute and small ways) towards the betterment of graduate student life in general and my anthropology classmates. So, my friend and coworker reminded me that indeed we have to remind ourselves of what we actually do and not minimize it. While i'm not going to list stuff that I do, I know that I do (and have done) a lot; though all that community service does not count for my academia cred.

Not everything goes according to plan. I need to keep on learning on how to accept unsystematic changes and deviations to plan and just work with it. Regardless of how horrible this last year has been.

*Le sigh for Academia*

one room disco

is the colors?
the aesthetics?
the product of the japanese stereotype/culture/sociological habitus they (try to) represent?
What is it?

video link

Why Asimov is my hero

[In response to this question by Bill Moyers: What do you see happening to the idea of dignity to human species if this population growth continues at its present rate?] "It's going to destroy it all. I use what I call my bathroom metaphor. If two people live in an apartment, and there are two bathrooms, then both have what I call freedom of the bathroom, go to the bathroom any time you want, and stay as long as you want to for whatever you need. And this to my way is ideal. And everyone believes in the freedom of the bathroom. It should be right there in the Constitution. But if you have 20 people in the apartment and two bathrooms, no matter how much every person believes in freedom of the bathroom, there is no such thing. You have to set up, you have to set up times for each person, you have to bang at the door, aren't you through yet, and so on. And in the same way, democracy cannot survive overpopulation. Human dignity cannot survive it. Convenience and decency cannot survive it. As you put more and more people onto the world, the value of life not only declines, but it disappears. It doesn't matter if someone dies.
Interview by Bill Moyers on Bill Moyers' World Of Ideas (17 October 1988); transcript (page 6) - audio (20:12)


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Very interesting thought...

Ex-politicians and their influence in politics

Politics in Puerto Rico is almost an everyday topic. The different discussions that might casually arise in the supermarket, talking with your neighbor or family member, while waiting at the barbershop/beauty salon, while riding the bus, sometimes take a weird turn into politics. Mind you, some people are blindly supporting this or that candidate for the sole reason that they belong to their particular political party. While this does make sense in ideological parties like democrats (who represents from time to time some type of progressive agenda) and republicans (who more often than not espouse a regressive conservative agenda), back home people align themselves with three main political parties that represent three different goals for the political status of the island. The pro-statehood party, the pro-commonwealth party (stay as we are now) and the pro-independence party. This particular phenomenon translates to individuals in the different parties that can range from progressive to ultra-conservative in any one of them. So, to talk about politics back home is to talk about political status more or less...which makes sense given the relationship of the island with the US and the ambiguous definitions of what it means to be both Puerto Rican and an American citizen. Here is a succinct link provided by Wikipedia on the matter.

Point in matter, is that politicians exert much influence in the local politics scene. The majority of people in Puerto Rico don't necessarily follow specific discourses, ideas or 'real' issues that politicians embody; more or less people just listen to what many of these people say and accept it as an informed truth, just because this person held (or holds) public office. In this case, some politicians are made out of almost everyone: from local council members, to city mayors, to senators and representatives some (depends on the body and the level of government) of these people in office are just regular Carlos and Carmen of the community. While this might be more true in city politics and a bit on legislative branches, a good chunk of the 'high posts' are still held by the elite. My problem with this dichotomy is that we then have ideologies espoused by the elite and engendered by the middle and lower class, even when those ideas don't reflect their reality.

Of course, you see the local city and 'non elite' politicians defending these ideas as their own as if they responded to the reality of their constituents. "Wrong, he was so wrong"...(Mean Girls reference by the way). Opinions are then polarized so that they are aligned with one's party as opposed to what is right or better.

I find myself in a difficult position in order to recommend a solution to this 'conundrum'. Do I then believe in a government of the educated 'elders' or some sorts? Some sort of Jedi council? Wouldn't I be replacing one elite with another?

Mind you, I thought this old draft of a post was relevant, seeing the recent attention that violent political rhetoric has gotten here in the US. Again, I'm not giving any answers, but some thoughts

"I'm sorry...it's my day off and i just want to dance"

I won't lie... I really like the beat of this song. I just want to dance. It also reminds me of the good times I spent with one of my new friends hanging out.

But, listening to the lyrics and watching the video makes me cringe on the inside. It's very hypocritical, for me to claim one thing one day and then just throw it out the window on the weekends when I'm raging in the city. Makes me rethink my values and my judgement.

It also makes me rethink how judgmental I can be (and how I used to be worse when I was young) of popular culture. I say this because it's always makes you feel better when you think you are 'better than that' and pass judgement on what others are doing; it does!

Is it ok for me to turn off the 'intellectualism' for a bit and just enjoy popular culture?
Can I rationalize then watching Jersey Shore for it's pop-culture value (and secretly enjoy it) but then bash the blatant objectification and obscene portrayal of latino society in this video?
Can't we just dance?

Anal sex and Women and the National Sex Survey

Thought these were some interesting articles about the sex behaviors of Americans; specially in regards to anal sex and women...  Interesting topics... is the taboo dwindling?

Here are the Links

http://www.slate.com/id/2270622/
http://www.slate.com/id/2269951/

My Tumblr Blog

I am updating this more frequently than this blog, as this one I see it as an outlet for more formal thoughts.

My Tumblr blog is fun and short... and sweet.

Link: Elitist Queerdo