Learning to let go...

So, in order to move past the emotional circumstances that we go through, most of us need to learn to disassociate ourselves with the things that tie us down to those circumstances. I assume that these are distressful, because then there might not be a logical reason as to why one is leaving these experiences behind. Why do we attach ourselves to other people the way we do? Is this necessary at all? Is this behavior evolutionary? Well, in regards to this last question it appears so.

 At its core, it seems that attachment is the sense of security that we are offered as we are socialized. Maybe it brings us further close to the core belief that we live in fair world where all of us deserve to attain what we were taught that we would obtain; family, friends, romantic love, sex, etc... Such is this belief that if we follow the rules, then we will be 'all right'; which also means that if these goals are not attained some rule (and probably your fault anyway) was not followed as prescribed. Social variables aside, what is the existential need for attachment?

 I speculate that we attach to each other to continue this sense of security going on. Important enough that a ‘human need’ for continuity in our daily lives is somewhat expected. We invest more resources on those things that we expect to deal with tomorrow, and brush aside and/or give little importance to the passing ones. Is there spontaneity in this attachment then? Maybe so, but the expectation that everything in the world is fair and all the efforts that we have invested in this other person will pay off somehow, is what makes us latch on like remoras. The end result is emotional, physical, sexual, economic and/or social rewards that positively condition these attachments. What happens then when the sharks wants to set loose? 



Why is it so horrible to realize that the other half of the symbiotic attachment is not there anymore? Rationally, one can give many reasons to explain such an event, but in terms of emotions your body and mind is trying to do you a favor by trying to die honorably at these new unfolding events...a Divine Wind;Kamikaze. The outside world is trying to pull you back in to their belief of a Fair and Just World, one in which the separation or death of this relationship does not equate physical, actual, social, literal death. But your emotions ‘know’ that with this death, there is no rebirth of the efforts that you invested; there is no change, no surplus...most (if not everything) of it is now lost! While some might dwell on what they have lost, others seek to provide themselves with a new outlook that presents them with a congruent and normal fair view of the world. "Why did this happen anyway? I followed all the rules, right? Why didn’t the other person follow them as closely as I did?" Such is life...right?

But we do that. We fail to follow the ‘rules’, we die, they die, we change, they change, he did it, she did it...did I do it too? The hard part is not the 'getting attached to others' (although some of us might argue just that) but learning to let go all that you invested...and it’s hard...totally hard! right?

1. Can you actually let go of people that died?
2. Can you let go of friends that are now toxic, but they are still your friends? “They were part of your life man!”
3. Can you let go of your romantic other? Your ‘soulmate’? Your husband? Wife? Etc?

How do we unlearn the attachment and truly let go? If we do so, are we kidding ourselves?